And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She told me I should be a condom model.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
