so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
