I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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