I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
