sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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