Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
