so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hippo gnu deer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
