What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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