i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
