Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
