She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
