My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
