you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
