he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
