Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
