dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
