I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
