The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
