I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
