Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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