im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
