dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
MIDGETS
????
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
