4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
