she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
