Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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