i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
