Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
