Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
