just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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