ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
