I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
