He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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