I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
