In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
