You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
