i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
