You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
