I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
