Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
