GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
