If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
