i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
