i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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