she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
3pm strippers are depressing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
