That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
