i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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