Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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