Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
