I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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