she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
