so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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