that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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