Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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