weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
