tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
