uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
