Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
